Finding hobbies! DAY 17
Jul 25, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaPqxH_2AzA

[Music]
everybody hopefully you're having a
wonderful Tuesday it is hot here is
already 88 hold on Omar it's already
yeah it's already 88 degrees and it is
just 1 o'clock yeah it's gonna be a
scorcher today and for the rest of the
week I am like so not looking forward to
that this eat anyways but I we have some
errands to run and we need to go and
take care of a few things business-wise
so I was like we might as well just try
and get it done sooner the better so
weren't us like not out so much today
because it's just it's really gonna be
too warm and so I'm gonna go get my
Dutch tea and then from there we have a
few things to do and then probably come
home because it's really hot but I just
want to check in with you guys and say
good morning and I'm hoping you guys are
having a wonderful almost a Thursday
Russian my week hopefully you guys are
having an amazing Tuesday morning so far
and you guys are all keeping cool and
for the ones that are in winter lucky
but I will check in here again soon with
you guys hey you guys hopefully you guys
had a wonderful day it was a wonderful
day here I had an amazing day it you
know it was really warm here so we went
and ran our errands and then we came
back and just relaxed and I did some
moving which felt great to get back into
kind of getting back into routine I'm
still still going slow but I'm I'm
starting to feel like I'm getting back
and that's such a great feeling because
I always
it's such a nice feeling to be able to
get back on track where you let off it
off especially when you're just starting
out and you have such ultimate goals you
want to reach and so when you don't feel
like you can make those goals a reality
it gets scary
because it's like ah you know I I want
to lose I want to keep going I want to
get healthy and so yeah that's kind of
what I did today was just did some
moving in the house I didn't do it any
dumbbells or anything like that I just
did some walking and I'm going through
my my craft bag I love to do crafts
that's another thing that's like one of
my hobbies is crafts I could do crafts
all day long every day and one of my fav
all I have a few I guess I would say one
of them is I love making diaper cakes
those are my favorite and not only are
they diaper cakes but I also make Bridal
cakes so Bridal cakes are a mixture of
like tells that they maybe like colors
that they use in their kitchen or
bathroom might have some like kitchen
utensils I mean just it's they're really
fun and then the diaper cakes obviously
are typers and then comes with baby
stuff and it's such a fun it's a fun
hobby I love to see the starting to the
end and I love watching the parent
receive it it's just like oh my gosh
that is so fulfilling for me and then
the other thing that I love to do is to
Leith's
and I have made so many different ones
and I used to make them and sell them
and then it kind of slowed down a lot so
my tool bag is stuffed to the rim with
tulle but
I kind of stopped making them for a
while just you know the kids were at an
age where if I sat down to try and make
one they were wanting to get into the
toll which they're still kind of in that
age I mean I can kind of veer them off
and get them a little bit busy but once
you know once in a while they'll be like
wanting to unravel the twine and it's
just like but I've made Minnie Mouse
I've made Batman I mean I've made quite
a few and those are just so relaxed I
can just sit and just relax and make
them and again it's seen it go from
start to end
I love that and I love to so I can I
never knew how to even turn on a sewing
machine a year and a half ago and my
cousin let me borrow her sewing machine
and I was like okay you know I'll try
and shoot at it and see what I can do
and I sat down and I when I am
determined to figure something out I
will figure it out
if I'm interested enough to do it and so
i sat there and i just watched youtube
video after youtube video and i taught
myself how to sew and I was sewing those
cross-over purses and I was sewing
clothes for myself I mean it was so much
fun but it's so hard to do it right now
with younger kids because again when
you're sewing you've gotten you know
you've got scissors out you've got the
pin needles I mean it's just you know
you're trying to cut fabric and you've
got a child pulling on one end of the
fabric and it's just it's not something
I can pursue right this minute so I've
tucked everything away just waiting for
my kids to get a little bit older so
that way you know when I say okay it's
it's mommy time right now you know
you've got everything under the Sun over
there in the other part of the house let
mama have a little bit of time then I
can lay it all myself out and have fun
and really enjoy myself but those are
some of the things that I love to do as
hobbies they're so relaxing and it
doesn't take any type of talking
and sometimes that's what I feel like is
so relaxing to me is sometimes just not
even talking just being able to just
relax and be thinking but you know my
thoughts can be in my head I don't have
to talk about my feelings and I don't
have to entertain a conversation
sometimes and sometimes life gets so
busy and so hectic that just that quiet
time to yourself is so needed that to
sit and really have an extra
conversation with somebody can sometimes
just be so much so having hobbies that
you don't have to really interact and
you can just be alone is so nice I love
to read but the problem with reading is
that I am one of those type that if I'm
gonna read I have to read out loud
because if I read inside my mind my
mind's going a million miles a minute so
not only am i reading a story I'm
thinking about what happened last week
the week before that and what we're
gonna have for dinner the night of so by
the time I'm done with the page I have
to stop him to like what did I just read
so then I have to go back to it so if I
read it out loud then I have to stay
focused on the reading and not not
anything else so then I can really enjoy
my book but then it's like okay but then
I've got my kids that are screaming and
yelling and OH
so yeah I love my hobbies that I do but
all of them have pretty much been on
hold for right now and then I found this
new hobby that I absolutely love it is a
passion of mine I look forward to doing
this hobby every single day when I wake
up I think about things too to do the
next time I get to do my hobby and that
is talking to you guys yes you guys are
my passion I love doing this like this
is ultimately the one thing I can
honestly say I wake up in the morning
looking forward to and go to bed
feelings
so complete is doing this this is
strictly in my blood and I never thought
in a million years that this is
something that I would truly enjoy so
much and I really really do I enjoy this
it is so just relaxing and and I've said
it so many times before but therapeutic
and I just love love love love my
profession that I've chosen to take on a
grasp and you guys are so amazing and I
couldn't ask for more better people I
love every one of you all in such high
levels I have such respect for every one
of you guys because every one of you
guys all have entered into my life I am
starting to learn people by person you
know like personal stories and you know
contacting them and them contacting me
reaching out and building those
relationships it's so amazing and I find
myself during the daytime sometimes if
I'm starting to get really frustrated or
you know there's just something that's
just kind of weighing on me I'm just
like I can't wait to share my day like I
just can't wait to confide into the
people that I know truly love to listen
and hear and same goes with me I can't
wait to hear your guys's responses
because I'm learning so much about other
people that I never would have thought I
would have ever done so it's just this
hobby that I have picked up is one that
I don't think I will ever lay down I
don't think I will ever ever allow
something to come in between me and this
hobby because this hobby has been
everything that has changed my life
so that is such a great great feeling
because I've searched for so long about
where I stand
what is my life about Who am I what am I
going to do with my life and the day
that I made my first vlog and I finished
that day I was like I think I found
myself I think I truly truly have found
myself and I love it I love it it's so
amazing so I'm just so excited so
excited that I decided to do this
because it's just been something else
and it's only been good I mean yeah I
get some hater sometimes but you know it
doesn't ruffle my feathers one bit
because it's just like I know that those
poor people are so sad and they just
need some extra love and care and
they'll find it somewhere but not with
me I am not wasting my time on them but
anyways so yeah that's kind of what I
was thinking about today was just about
my hobbies and things that I truly enjoy
doing for myself and you know again like
I've told you guys before I love doing
my nails which is very fun I enjoyed
that as well my nails are still going
strong dollar nails it's just it's it's
amazing I love it today um let's see
let's backtrack a little bit on my 18 so
breakfast I had my original eggs and
sausage and then for lunch I had
flatbread bagel and some lettuce tomato
and Turkey
oh no not tomato sorry cheese sorry
sorry no tomato and I told my husband
because he's won that made my salad I
said put some honey mustard i'm
just-just ass we'll just know he forgot
but oh well
I really don't usually use condiments on
my sandwiches so something like it was a
big deal and then we had to go and run
the errands and stuff and so while we
were out now for 16 days we have not
eaten at once oil excuse me I'm sorry
yes we have I have I had two different
sandwiches but other than that I haven't
eaten out which is term I mean that's
amazing because normally I'm eating out
at least once a day if not sometimes
twice a day
and but my kids haven't eaten out not
once in 16 days and so my little boy
he's like Omar he goes mommy hamburger
and fries hamburger and fries in the
backseat of the car right and I'm
waiting for Ollie to hurry up and get
done with it he needed and I'm like okay
I know so I text him and I was like hey
Omar wants some hamburger and fries
do you think I can just stop by Burger
King really quick and grab them
something a special treat because they
haven't had it for a while and all he's
like yeah that's fine so I went to
Burger King and got their food and I
came home and I was putting it out on
the table cuz all he wasn't home and I
was putting it on the table and getting
their stuff fed and you know it was so
weird but not once did I even think
twice about oh my god that smells so
good or oh those fries look so yummy
nothing which normally on a normal time
if I wasn't being careful easily easily
I would have been to whoppers a large
fry and a large soda and today I didn't
touch it not once and my lips are
cracked and they're bleeding I hope it's
not starting back up again like this is
really irritating anyways it's still
from that
the whole winburn my lips are still on
the men's of healing anyways um but the
whole time I was just like it doesn't
sound good it didn't smell good it
nothing like there was nothing in it
that looked good to me
not a thing and I went and sat down
while the kids ate their their lunch and
when all he came home he was like are
you hungry and I was like well you know
I would maybe I'll take a sandwich so
that's when he made the the my lips
bleeding great sorry you guys totally
not what I was planning to deal with um
but he made me my sandwich and I ate
that now it's perfectly fine and then
for dinner tonight
it's so hot and we just don't want to
have to cook because the house I don't
want to get the house hot so I mean we
have air conditioned but it's still so
he's like do you just want to have a
Subway sandwich and I was like yeah
that's fine now again
on a normal day Amy would have gotten a
footlong sandwich chips and a large soda
but tonight Amy got a six-inch cells
sandwich zero chips zero soda and I had
a flavored water so I still felt like I
was getting soda my brain just a little
just a little but it was such an amazing
feeling because I ate that 6-inch and I
was totally great I mean I was like by
the last butter as I go okay I'm good
and it's just so amazing how my body has
changed so much and my mind is changing
that I'm starting to be able to accept
having little amounts and not freaking
out because oh my gosh you know I'm only
getting a six inch and not a footlong
and so we just split the sandwich me and
him and I'm totally fine like I'm good
and I'm not hungry I probably won't have
anything else at
tonight I'll probably close up my
fitness day MyFitnessPal diary for the
day and that's it I mean I'll probably
continue to drink water because I drink
water throughout the entire night but
otherwise I'm just it's amazing it's a
really amazing feeling that I'm finally
starting to let the food not control me
but for me to control the food in the
situation because you can have good
experiences while eating out you don't
have to always have a binge every single
time you go out like that's just silly
you know and my birthday is coming up in
August and so I asked Olli I said well
do you think that you know we could
maybe get a babysitter and maybe you
could take me to dinner or something for
my birthday and he was like yeah you
know he's like I think that would be an
awesome idea and it doesn't have to be a
negative thing it doesn't have to be an
anxiety trigger because oh my gosh I'm
gonna go out to eat what am I gonna have
you know am I gonna you know am I gonna
fall off track am i you know it doesn't
have to be all of that I can still go
and have a nice time and not have to eat
all of the food that is on my plate and
be okay with putting it in US a to-go
box and bring it home and have it the
following day you know and that's where
I'm really teaching myself that it's
okay to set a food aside and not have to
just finish it because you're
celebrating or whatever the
circumstances might be so I'm just I'm
really happy that every day I notice
more changes every day you know I'm I'm
noticing physical changes with my knees
you know I my knees aren't hurting as
bad and I'm being able to go up and down
the stairs easier and stuff like that
but more so than noticing any physical
change I'm noticing my mental change and
it's such an amazing feeling like I said
to be set free and not allow food to
control every aspect of my life but it
will allow my life to control the food
as
so that it's there but it's not being a
controlling situation because food
doesn't have to be a negative thing it
can be always set into a positive
situation it depends on how well you can
handle that and for some of us we can't
handle those things yet it's not
feasible yet you know because we're not
at a point me I've been a year into you
know nutritionist counseling I guess
you'd call it because I have a counselor
which is my trauma counselor and then I
go so I go twice a week I go to my
trauma counselor and then I also go to
my nutrition counselor that works on my
triggers and my binge eating and all of
that so I go 2 times a week to different
counseling's and even though I've been
going for a year it doesn't mean I'm
totally fixed and that I've got all the
keys and answers because obviously you
know I have a lot I still deal with on
an everyday basis but as I have started
to allow myself to make these changes
and finally accepting that I want these
changes I'm starting to see all the work
that I've been putting in for the last
year are starting to finally pay off
because now I'm able to have a six inch
sub sandwich instead of a twelve inch
just because I needed to have that
twelve inch because by god maybe it's
not going to be there tomorrow you know
and so now it's like okay I can have a
six inch I can enjoy that six inch but I
don't have to have a footlong I don't
have to eat til I'm past full I can eat
till I feel fine and be done and not
have to think about food again for
multiple amounts of hours and be okay
and have my next meal when it's time to
eat and when I'm hungry so anywho other
than that that's how my day went we
didn't do like I said a whole lot
tomorrow I'm hoping to get my stationary
bike from my bedroom into the living
room we're going to go ahead and put my
bike in the living room because for mold
reasons one so my kids can play on it ya
know uh that's gonna be a chore in
itself to teach them that it's mummies
but they have to learn at some point so
I'm gonna put it into the living room
and our living room is big enough that
it's not gonna take up space but that
way it's there and like I was telling
ollie
even if I get on it for ten minutes
three times a date that is thirty
minutes that I'm riding the bike but
only at ten minutes
sections because maybe that's all my
legs can do for the very moment but I
want to start really picking up riding
the bike because I know that that's what
really helped my legs the last time
really strengthen so we're gonna go
ahead and I'm really really really
really hoping to get that out into the
living room starting tomorrow so I can
start my bike riding and that will be
fun to take you guys along and let you
guys see my bike it's a really nice one
in fact we paid a good penny for that
bike and I think I've probably used it
maybe five times and we've had it for
five years I mean it's got like all the
digital rings and bells and you can do
there's so much to it I don't even know
how to use it yet
a hundred percent so that's how much I
played with it but um yeah I'm really
excited to get that going so I can get
the bike going plus I'll still be doing
my walking in the house and I'll be
doing my dumbbells so this week I'm
really hoping to pick up the exercising
because I've got a big goal set ahead of
me and I really want to start getting
going so I could see good amounts of
progress every week coming down and
there's no excuse anymore like I've got
to get this dough in I've got to do it
so and today was a much better day on my
whole cycle had slowed down tremendously
my cramping has gone away so it looks
like life is getting back into it snore
hopefully but yeah I'm just taking it
day by day but today was an amazing day
it was really good I felt much better
like I said I was able to get up and
move around some if my lips would stop
bleeding that wouldn't be amazing and
now that I've had to use my sweater
since I have no napkins I get to go wash
my jacket anyhoo so on that note I guess
I will let you guys go but you guys have
a wonderful rest of your evening and I
will see you guys again tomorrow morning
bye this is my Subway sandwich that I
got it was just the six inch steak and
it was amazing and it was only 340
calories for the entire sandwich okay
these are just ideas of ones that I have
done these are not ones that I
personally did I just got pictures off
the internet to kind of show you guys
but those are the wreaths and then this
is the diaper cake that I I've made one
that looks identical to this I just
can't find the pictures so I just got
one off the internet and the next one is
the bridal cake that I make with the
towels and just utensils or anything
that the person orders that's what I do
to make the bridal cakes again these are
not my original ones I've made some
branched off of these pictures but I
just can't find the pictures of them
right away
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